Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…

- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) -

The old adage ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is a flat-out lie. Words do hurt. I’d bet that, as you read this, there’s at least one moment in time that is coming to mind for you. Some experience in your past that clings like toilet paper to a shoe. These things stick with us. Words leave emotional marks.

But there’s a difference between hard words and harsh words. The Bible does not discourage us from having difficult conversations. In fact, to ‘encourage one another and build each other up’ sometimes requires helping someone realize the quicksand they’re standing in even if (especially if!) they want to deny the fact that they’re sinking. These are never easy exchanges to have or to receive, but there’s a way to do them well.

HARSH WORDS HURT IN A HATEFUL WAY

Harsh words are words spoken with the intent of tearing someone down. They come from a place of selfish ambition. To speak to someone harshly would indicate that we are coming at them from a position of pride and that our motivation is to essentially sit them down and shut them up. We seek to elevate ourselves above the person we are speaking to. An honest way to identify this is to ask ourselves, “is my goal to see this person suffer? Am I hoping that they will feel small or insignificant when the conversation is over?”

You’ll need to dig deep with these tough questions. If the answer is ‘yes,’ or even ‘maybe,’ you are not prepared to speak in a way that is helpful or good. Hold your tongue, pray, and come back when your tone will come from a place of genuine concern.

HARD WORDS HURT IN A HELPFUL WAY

Hard words are spoken with the intent of building someone up. When an individual is causing harm to themselves or someone else, we are not called to simply stand by and ignore it. Turning a blind eye in an effort to keep the peace or preserve our comfort indicates our desire to avoid conflict more than our desire to engage in a tough but critical conversation. It is hard to speak hard words. We know these words will hurt, there’s no avoiding that. They hurt when they’re spoken to us too. But a wound can’t heal if the infection continues to fester. Treating a gash causes initial pain, but it provides an environment for recovery.

As in the first example, test your intentions before you speak. What is your end game? If it’s a desire to see that person flourish and thrive, if it’s a longing to help them rise from a terrible habit or circumstance, if it is a willingness to put your relationship on the line for the sake of pointing someone toward the peace and hope of Jesus, then your lips will speak the truth in love.

None of this is easy, friends, but it is necessary and it creates a richness and depth to our faith. We are called to love each other deeply and to demonstrate the heart of Christ. We can’t do that if we ignore the devastation of others. So look upward, reflect inward, and then love outward. Trust that God will bless your efforts, even if it takes time or the results aren’t what you hoped for. His plan is perfect, we are just called to be a part of it in however The Lord sees fit.