Firsts & Lasts

Yesterday was a day that was almost too much for my mama heart to handle. My son lost his first tooth. My oldest daughter attended her last day at her current school. Ugh, exhale. There were tears... mostly mine.

Isn't it interesting how we have this strange anxiety over 'firsts' and 'lasts.' The beginning and end of chapters in our lives carry a weight that's hard to explain. I can remember the anticipation and angst I had over the first day at a new job or the last night in my old house. Why is that?

It's because each moment serves as a reminder that this life is fleeting and temporary. It's ever-changing, ever-evolving. I struggle with this A LOT. Even the little stuff feels like a gut punch sometimes. I will turn 40 this year and this milestone has thrown me into reflection mode big time. As I take in my little world around me, I find myself grasping at all the symbolic straws trying desperately to hold on to what was. I've lost so many people I love, I've been on one heck of a health journey, my husband has shifted positions at work, my kids are growing faster than my mind can comprehend. It all feels so overwhelming.

But it's life. It's expected. It's God's way of shouting "THERE'S MORE THAN THIS!" This is not our permanent residence, friends. We are a vapor and so is everyone else around us. Our circumstances are The Lord's way of steering our ship until we finally reach the shores of Heaven. We need to step away from the wheel and trust the captain. Sometimes our waters may be shimmery and reflect the warmth and light of favorable situations. Sometimes they may be angry and choppy as the winds of despair and the waves of chaos rock our boats. We can have confidence that we can weather the storms through the strength of the Spirit and put on our shades in the presence of the Son. In the end, our final destination is paradise.

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom."

-Psalm 90:12 (ESV)-