Hard Stop

The phrase ‘hard stop’ is used quite a bit in the business world. It’s a clear indication of a boundary around time constraints in order to keep a person’s schedule running smoothly. If I were to have a meeting at 10am and another set for eleven, I would notify the people involved in the first meeting that I have a hard stop at 10:45 in order to make it to my next appointment without any sort of delay. This communication around time constraints is generally professionally respected. When it’s not, it can cause frustration, a feeling of overall lack of respect, and the incite of a snowball effect that can easily throw off the cadence of the rest of the workday.

Hard stops may be a common practice in the professional world, but they seem to be something most of us struggle with personally. So many times we internally profess that THIS is the time we will stick to our guns and uphold the rules we know to be true to our needs and convictions. But then we are made to feel guilty, pressured to pivot, referred to as inflexible and rigid. If we don’t come at a situation with proper perspective, these acts of disrespect to our limitations break us down and cause us to give way to the things we know are only going to harm us later. Maybe it’s time we reconsider placing some hard stops in our lives, setting some boundaries that are non-negotiables in order to keep our relationships healthy and to keep ourselves in check with the things we need to keep ourselves healthy as well. Maybe we need to stop worrying so much about how our hard stops inconvenience those who have different limitations than we do and start believing that we have a right to protect ourselves from things that wear us down, create unnecessary chaos, and push us beyond our individual limits.

And there’s a very big difference between putting up walls and establishing boundaries, by the way. Walls are meant to shut people out, boundaries are meant to keep people safe. Once we can truly embrace this concept, we can stop feeling ashamed for standing up for the hard stops we have put in place to prevent an avalanche of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual distress and we can start lovingly enforcing our boundaries with those who try to push beyond them. We can also become more aware of situations where we may be pushing others beyond their boundaries, as well.

Holding firm will probably be uncomfortable at first, especially if you have a long track record of giving in, but it will be well worth it as you slowly start instituting this positive habit and experiencing the joy that overcomes your frustration. No one wins when we are stretched too far, but healthy bonds can form when hard stops are respected. And, while we aren’t responsible to control the actions of others, the more we kindly yet confidently hold firm to our convictions the more we can weed out who will respect us and who will become company we tend to involve ourselves with less frequently. We are called to simply stand our ground where we know our lines can no longer be crossed and to communicate our hard stops in genuine conviction and love. And do you want to know the best part? We can know that we are backed by the power of the Holy Spirit who will provide the strength we need to stay disciplined in our steps.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7