Pardon My Dust

So between my physical limitations due to my chronic visual vertigo (i.e. bending, standing on tall surfaces) and my bum knee, cleaning has been - well - an issue. There are crumbs, toys, laundry, dishes, and dust. Lots of dust. It’s driving me crazy but there’s nothing I can do beyond embracing this season of change and continuing to move forward in faith the best I can. It almost feels like our little family has been under construction for the past few years as we figure out how to navigate these wicked waves and choppy waters. The rhythm of our old routine is gone and we’re learning how to rebuild and restructure. It’s been physically and emotionally messy.

Our physical mess has been compounded by a need to rearrange our home in a way that fits my limited abilities. We’ve actually moved entire sections of our house around including converting our living room to a bedroom because it’s on the main level and I struggle to climb up and down our stairs. Constant knee pain, vertigo, and little people under my feet make for a treacherous trifecta when it comes to uneven surfaces. Construction on a new bathroom for our makeshift bedroom will begin soon adding to the chaos. It’s exhausting and frustrating but we know it will make things better when this sort of ‘reconstruction process’ settles down and the dust settles, too (again with the dust!).

This transition has been incredibly life-changing in so many ways but, more than that, it has been soul-changing. My heart is really dusty right now, too. Please pardon my dust. It hurts a lot, it makes me irritable at times (ok, a lot of the time) and I feel like I’m undergoing more alterations than I can handle. But I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago and I’m ironically thankful for the process. God has torn down the old structure of my motivations and is rebuilding something so much more focused on the needs of others. My whole perspective on life has changed. I will never see things the same way again. And, while I can see some of the renovations starting to take shape, I know God isn’t finished. He has bigger plans in place as he chisels away and the dust flies. The more he molds me, the messier it gets in there and the vision of the completed picture remains unclear but promising nonetheless.

And ‘unclear’ is ok. Construction takes time when it’s done well. I know the Lord only has the best in mind for my future so I will trust that the finished product will be beautiful. And what I can be confident in is that I will walk through life forever altered for a higher purpose. If I’m being totally transparent, I’m struggling in the present moment because this isn’t comfortable, it’s really hard and incredibly messy. But I’m also smiling because I can feel my heart shifting toward grace, mercy, and love.

Sometimes we get to choose our changes and sometimes the Lord chooses them for us through circumstances beyond our control. My friends, trust the process regardless of how it comes about. The dust is worth the masterpiece you will become for the sake of the One who crafted you in the first place and you will be able to walk forward forever changed for good.